28 February 2013

Dear Comedy Writing

Now I'm not quite sure I've made it quite clear enough yet but I will now. Besides being a traveler, student, worker and general person, I'd also like to be a comedy writer. Like, I'd get to hang out with Liz Lemon all day, shoot the shit, be hilarious and then get paid for it. Like, I'd get to drink Snake Juice with Amy Poehler. Normally, I would say this is ridiculous and a compulsive dream dreamt by most awkward college educated women BUT what you don't know is that I have an 'in'. Now is the best time to strike. The time is now for a lady to develop her sense of humor and get rich; look at Girls, zero to going-to-the-Grammy's in one season flat. It's now or never and I'm ready to throw my two cents into the Fountain of Funny...

It's a manila folder containing my most finest jokes and it starts like this:

Dear Kristin Wiig, (editor's note: she seems the most approachable of the contemporary SNL female dynasty but sending the letter to the entire holy trinity of female comedians is a must)
I would be a great addition to your posse. You see, I'm really funny and have a lot of charm. Sometimes my friends pee their pants and I don't even have to open my mouth. I worry about their dysfunctional bladders but Bernie says he's been giving Mildred her kidney medicine so she should be on the up-and-up. Although it can be quite embarrassing to go out with my ol' gal pals and their Poise panty lines, I have learned to take it more of a compliment and testament to my hilarity than anything. Attached is a list of jokes, scene ideas, my resumé and general quips that I think would add a wealth of toot-scootin-to-boot to the comedy writing process.
Just consider instating me, please and thank you.
Rebecca L. Asser

Now all I've got to do is cross my fingers, toes and legs and wish real hard.
editor's note: shout out to the most greatest Emma Kelly-Knickerbocker for helping conjure up this most finest idea.

24 February 2013

Escape to Home

Dear Arizona landscapes,
I never thought I'd say this (especially since I hated you the majority of my time with you) but sometimes you truly are beautiful.
Yours in astonishment,

14 February 2013

Kale Flavorful Chicken

I love KFC in all its fried chicken glory. However, I usually really have to weigh my options when deciding to indulge or not in those fatty bowls of grease. Here, I've made a healthy and just as flavorful alternative to a stomach ache and heart attack.

1 sweet potato
1 chicken tenderloin
2 strips of bacon
3 leaves of kale
some frozen or canned corn
about half cup of onions, chopped
olive oil
salt and pepper
BBQ sauce
Total cooking time: about 1 hour.

Start by baking your sweet potato (whole) at 350 degrees by setting it just in a pan with two fork stabs in the top. After about 15 minutes, prepare your bacon. I baked it in the oven on a cookie sheet for about 20 minutes. Optional: put brown sugar on the bacon before baking. After the bacon is done baking, rip the leaves of kale into bite sized pieces. Spread out on another cookie sheet and coat with olive oil, salt and pepper. Pop in the oven for about 10 minutes, or until crispy. Meanwhile, heat up a frying pan for cooking your chicken. Put the tenderloin in some olive oil and add the onions, corn salt and pepper. Cooked until the chicken is done and tender. By this time, the sweet potato should be cooked through. Take out of the oven and chop in half. Pile with the kale, broken pieces of bacon, cut up chicken, corn and onions. Garnish with BBQ sauce.

09 February 2013

A Toast!

A toast to those days when nothing quite seems to work out. 
May you rest in peace Mr. Toothbrush.